I told him what I have to say is going to be short and sweet: The only way to deal with a schoolyard bully is to kick him in the nuts. End of story.
I anticipate that this advice is likely to produce howls of protest from politically-correct parents. They want to believe that "violence never solves anything." They are wrong. Their cowardice dooms their children to be victims.
I have two stories to tell here. One is about my son, who was a very bright first grader. He was obsessed with academic perfection, and would sometimes burst into tears if he didn't know the answer to a classroom question. This gave him a reputation as a crybaby, which in turn attracted the attention of two hulking third-graders who made him miserable during recess. This became a chronic problem. We started down the long road of complaining to the bureaucracy, filling out forms, meeting with the principal, and the usual gestures made by adults helpless in the hands of misbehaving children. Nothing seemed to help, but it was all required. Fill out form B. Document the fact that you have been responsibly ineffective in dealing with the problem.
One day I realized that I had not heard him complain about the bullies in several weeks. I asked my son how that situation was going? "Oh, they don't bother me anymore," he said, uninterested. "Why not?" I probed. In a casual, almost bored way, he replied, "One day I kicked them both in the crotch. They leave me alone now."
Oh. Well. Problem solved.
This kind of problem never happened again as long as my son was with that same population of kids. They knew, from first grade on, that he was the kid you don't pick on. He didn't just solve the immediate problem; he inoculated himself against further bullying in that school district. it was like an anti-bully vaccine.
Years later a girl in our local high school made the mistake of reporting two other girls for drinking on campus. The school administration did exactly the wrong thing. They identified the informer to the guilty parties, and then did nothing to punish the drinkers! From that moment on, my student's life was a series of assaults. She was attacked every day. The two attackers supported each other's testimony, saying that they were the victims of unprovoked assaults! The administration took their side and put our girl on probation. Any more fights and you'll be suspended! After a few weeks of this treatment she became a truant, afraid to go to school at all.
That's pretty severe and sophisticated bullying. Male bullies use their fists. Girl bullies work the system.
This girl showed up at my class to learn to defend herself. We gave her the Jein Do basics, which were intended to meet exactly this kind of challenge. She attended class for five sessions. Then she went back to school.
I heard a week later that there had been another fight, and the administration had suspended our girl for fighting. I asked the witness for more information. Armed with the techniques I had taught her, the girl had returned to school and confronted the bullies. She challenged them to a fight in the parking lot after school! (You can imagine my sense of horrified astonishment.)
The fight took place as scheduled, witnessed by scores of cheering students. The administration, true to their word, suspended our girl for fighting.
"But how did the fight turn out?" I asked, braced for bad news. "What happened in the parking lot?" The witness replied, "She kicked butt!!! She chased them out of the parking lot!"
Ok. OK then. Problem solved.
If you hurt and humiliate the bully in front of his friends, he'll never bother you again. It's that simple. I doubt that this is what the politically-correct anti-bully campaigns are teaching. Your kid is trapped in a matrix of cowardly parents, cowardly administrators, and mean kids. Kicking the bully in the crotch fixes a big part of the problem. It is a pity we can't apply the same remedy to the parents and administrators, too.
